Then She Did

The ability for a song to reach across decades to touch a part of my heart nothing else can always leaves me shocked. "Will you say hello to my mom? Will you pay a visit to her?" When I was in my 20's I cried my eyes out of my skull listening to those words every time. Say hello to my mom if you see her sleeping in a box on Skid Row or fighting the bees for breakfast from a dumpster or giving blow jobs in the alley for coffee money. Memories of the months we spent together playing cards while we waited for my oldest to be born. Or the time we sat on the balcony watching fireworks in the distance while drinking peach Schnapps. How we made each other laugh. The long drives. The punches. The insults. The tears. How I wanted her to love me. How I wanted to make her laugh. How my stomach still wretches at the thought of her being beaten far out in the desert time after time. The heroin. The blood. "She was unhappy just as you were." An addict just as you were. I put her there and walked away. Selfish tears from my eyes when I hear those words. How I long for the good days that were few and far between. And now I am gone. Aye. Oh. Where did she go? I don't know. Shame on me for abandoning her. Shame...