The Girls at the Beginning of the New Year

Trying out something new. Becky suggested I start a blog for anyone interested in keeping up with my little family. Thank you, Becky!

Anyway, we are officially in a new year. 2008 was by far the most traumatic of my life. So much loss for me and my girls. I learned so many lessons last year. It will take years to fully absorb. 2008 was full of sadness watching Justin, someone I loved dearly succumb to illness and take his own life. We lost our home, friends and the dream that took us to Seattle to begin with. I am a very optimistic person inside, though I don't tend to share it with many people. I come off as a Debbie Downer. This distresses me. It is something I work on (believe it or not!).

I have gained a new sense of community. I am amazed by the way the people who barely knew me and my family rallied behind us. The kind people at Flagstar Bank took up collections, held a bake sale, and James gave chair massages for an entire day for donations! Because of their efforts and kindness (and the generosity of so many other friends), I was able to move my family back to New Mexico to start a new life. 6 months after Justin's death, and I am still trying to compose letters to all of the people who helped us. I have started many times, but it is hard to express my gratitude in words. Their kindness touches my heart and makes me cry every time I think about their sacrifices for me and my girls. I hope to write those letters this month.

I have always held the hope that each new year would bring better things than the last. I think that hope will hold true for us. I am enrolled at a local community college. My 2nd term starts January 12th. (I passed all 4 classes from my first term with 3 a's and a b!!!) I hope to eventually transfer to UNM to finish work on my degree. I am just getting my feet wet with the community college. Right now, I am working toward a degree in medical sonography, and a certificate in medical transcription. I hope to support my family with a part-time transcription job until I can finish my degree. It has been almost 18 years since I have been in a classroom. This will be my first term taking "real" classes, so my transfer will depend on how I feel at the end of this term. I have confidence that I will do well even though the classes are in areas I have never studied. This term I will take: philosophical thought, analytical writing, remedial algebra > :) <, a computer class and remedial chemistry. I didn't take a chemistry class in high school, so this will be a new experience for me! I will need a lot of physics, chemistry, human anatomy, and biology classes for the degree, so wish me luck... Here is a current picture of me. I have aged a lot over the last 6 months and I look terrible! I hope by posting this, I will give myself motivation to take some pride in my appearance. I wear this hat everywhere I go.

Knucklehead number one turned 16 on Christmas day. It is hard to believe she is 16... When I close my eyes, I still see her sitting in her high chair shoving spaghetti into her diaper. She is a lovely girl. She is failing a couple of classes, but I hope she will get it together for the next term which starts Monday. She is a sophomore in high school. She took the PSAT and scored in the 93rd percentile for sophomores and 85th percentile for juniors in all subjects. Not bad. She is a smart girl. Hopefully she will come out of the funk Justin's death and our move from Washington has caused in her life soon. This has been extra hard on her because she was so close to Justin and is also going through teenage angst. She has a ton of potential, though. She is interested in graphic design. She is an amazing artist, she composes her own music, and she is a massive Legend of Zelda freak. I am talking Star Trek type geek. She has dressed up like characters from various Zelda games for Halloween for the last couple of years and she would probably dress that way every day if she thought she wouldn't get beat up! I almost think the cholas out here would embrace her with her purple wig and Medieval garb.

Knucklehead number two is 12, but already is taller than Knucklehead number one and outweighs her by more than 20 lbs! She lives in her hat because she is very self conscious about her super curly hair. Sad, because her hair is absolutely gorgeous when she takes care of it. She is absolutely beautiful. She is a fantastic artist, plays music, and has an incredible imagination. She is in the 7th grade. She took a reading test recently which placed her at almost an 11th grade reading level! She scored in the 79th percentile in all other subjects! She is a super smart girl, just like her sister. She butted heads more than any of us, but she was also the most attached to him. She has taken his death really hard, but has a positive outlook. She is comfortable everywhere she goes. She is super insecure, but makes friends easily. She has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Knucklehead number 2 is not having any problems in school, thank God! She is getting all a's! Justin and I worried the most about her. It breaks my heart to watch her fall, but she has to learn her lessons the hard way. I know she will be a strong person, but I am afraid she will cause herself a lot of unnecessary grief in her life. She tends to put a lot of trust in the wrong people. She reminds me a lot of myself.

Knucklehead number three... What can I say about this little gem?? She has been the glue holding our family together. Her spirit is amazing. She a wonderful combination of Justin, KH One, KH Two, and me! Thoughtful and sensible like KH One, wild and adventurous like KH Two, brutish like Justin. She LOVES to dance (she gets this from her papa)! The girl has fantastic rhythm! She always wakes up in a good mood. Her eyes smile when she is happy. Reminds me of my Grandma Louisa. When my grandma would smile, her eyes would get all squinty and they would sparkle. She doesn't say many words yet, but she gets her point across. She is talking more and more every day. She will be 2 years old in a week. She is the life of the party everywhere she goes. She even stole the show at Justin's memorial service. She has great timing. She made everyone smile and laugh just when the sadness and tension seemed unbearable.