I CAN'T WAIT FOR SPRING!!!!!!

Winter is almost over. I am extremely excited for Spring. After 8 years in Seattle, it will be wonderful to experience ALL of the seasons! We have been enjoying high 50 degree temperatures, which have been wonderful! I have had a few days this week where I have been able to wear a sweatshirt instead of a coat! The smallest one has been enjoying the weather, too. She loves to run up and down the sidewalk when we pick Knucklehead number one up from school each afternoon. The little one just got a "big girl bed"!!! Tonight is her first night. I cried when my step mom dropped it off for her. My tiny girl is a big girl now! : )

I have been feeling a little weird and realized I have not seen a neurologist since we have been here. I need to have them review the old and new MRIs so they will hopefully give me another year without MS medication. I am keeping my fingers crossed! I tried to post copies of the last MRI I had done in Seattle, but I can't figure out how to get the .jpg2000 pictures loaded onto my computer. Too bad. They are really cool looking. The way the studies are set up on the disk, you can literally scroll back and forth inside my head. The part that shows my eyeballs freaks me out! They look really scary. I am absolutely fascinated by the pictures! I wish I could have a copy of Justin's various MRIs. I have a few life-sized xrays he had done by a chiropractor. I wish I knew how to scan them, or copy them somehow. They look just like him, well just like him on the inside, I guess. They will eventually fade as they age, as far as I know.

It is 11pm and I just finished taking a couple of tests for my computer class. I had my chemistry class this afternoon, too. I got a 95% on my first test, but I am going to have to spend a lot of time studying the information we learned tonight. I have a test Wed. Wish me luck! I was up until 1 this morning working on an english paper, so I think I need to get to bed. Until next time.....

Oh, Man...

My camera broke a couple of days ago. I am going through MAJOR withdrawal! I LOVE pictures! I even love to look at pictures of people I don't know. I am fascinated at the expressions, the mood, and the background stories behind the photographs. I certainly am no professional, like my friend Cynthia. I imagine her working for a magazine like National Geographic. She has an amazing eye and would come back from some exotic place with the most amazing photographs! BUT, I am a shutter bug. Sometimes I get lucky and take a good picture.

The girls and I FINALLY started therapy! I was looking forward to it, but after 2 sessions, I have realized that I am a very screwed up individual! I think it is going to take years for me to get my head together. In some ways, it doesn't seem worth the effort it is going to take. What else do I have to do, really?? The therapist is kind've a crotchety lady, but she asks questions which make me think. She is willing to listen to me.

My 2nd term at school has started with a bang! After the first week of reading in my Philosophy book, I am hooked! This crap is right up my alley. Especially now that I am questioning my beliefs and trying to figure out who I am. It seems to merge nicely with all the books I have been reading about religion, reincarnation and the afterlife.

My chemistry teacher looks just like my dad. He goes off on tangents like most good-natured hispanic people. During our first class, he asked each of us to give a brief description of ourselves to the class. After each person spoke, he would say, "Oh, I have a cousin who has worked as a physical therapist for years." or "My sister got her degree in criminal justice to spite her ex-husband, then refused to work in the field." He had a comment to add after each of us said something. He is a man after my own heart! He seems to use a common sense approach to teaching, which is great for someone like me.

My oldest is starting to speak Spanish at home! (Pisses me off because she refused to speak Spanish with me when I was in my class!) It is really cute. She has been having a rough time. Being a teenager is tough sometimes. Remember when you realized your parents were idiots? How in the world did they manage to raise you much less keep you alive?? That is where she is. I make it hard on her because I keep dropping the ball when she needs me.

I guess that is it for now. I have a pile of homework to finish and a dirty diaper to change.....

My Pumpkin Turns 2!!!

It is hard to believe she is two years old. It feels like I have known her all my life. We spent the evening at Bonnie's house. We spend a surprising amount of time there. Bonnie has been a great friend to me since we have been back. She drops by for coffee or invites us over occasionally. Anyway, my pumpkin had a great birthday! She is addicted to Yo Gabba Gabba! in the worst way. (For any of you who don't have kids, Yo Gabba Gabba! is the most awesome kid show EVER!!! They play the most awesome grovin' songs.) My dad and step-mom bought Yo G G tennis shoes for her for Christmas. She does not want to take them off! I have to hide them at bedtime or she would wear them 24 hours a day!

She got a guitar that plays two songs for each of the 5 characters on the show. The little girl is in ECSTASY! She wanted to sleep with this, too! Thank the lord there is an "off" switch on this toy. Songs for little kids are very repetitious!

My oldest made a funfetti birthday cake and wrote her a cute message in espanol! She doesn't know how to blow, so we all blew the candles out for her! She enjoyed playing with the frosting, and stabbing the cake was a great time!































































She spent a lot of time dancing while Sister played Guitar Hero, but the best part of the night was when she found the empty wrapping paper tube!

The Girls at the Beginning of the New Year

Trying out something new. Becky suggested I start a blog for anyone interested in keeping up with my little family. Thank you, Becky!

Anyway, we are officially in a new year. 2008 was by far the most traumatic of my life. So much loss for me and my girls. I learned so many lessons last year. It will take years to fully absorb. 2008 was full of sadness watching Justin, someone I loved dearly succumb to illness and take his own life. We lost our home, friends and the dream that took us to Seattle to begin with. I am a very optimistic person inside, though I don't tend to share it with many people. I come off as a Debbie Downer. This distresses me. It is something I work on (believe it or not!).

I have gained a new sense of community. I am amazed by the way the people who barely knew me and my family rallied behind us. The kind people at Flagstar Bank took up collections, held a bake sale, and James gave chair massages for an entire day for donations! Because of their efforts and kindness (and the generosity of so many other friends), I was able to move my family back to New Mexico to start a new life. 6 months after Justin's death, and I am still trying to compose letters to all of the people who helped us. I have started many times, but it is hard to express my gratitude in words. Their kindness touches my heart and makes me cry every time I think about their sacrifices for me and my girls. I hope to write those letters this month.

I have always held the hope that each new year would bring better things than the last. I think that hope will hold true for us. I am enrolled at a local community college. My 2nd term starts January 12th. (I passed all 4 classes from my first term with 3 a's and a b!!!) I hope to eventually transfer to UNM to finish work on my degree. I am just getting my feet wet with the community college. Right now, I am working toward a degree in medical sonography, and a certificate in medical transcription. I hope to support my family with a part-time transcription job until I can finish my degree. It has been almost 18 years since I have been in a classroom. This will be my first term taking "real" classes, so my transfer will depend on how I feel at the end of this term. I have confidence that I will do well even though the classes are in areas I have never studied. This term I will take: philosophical thought, analytical writing, remedial algebra > :) <, a computer class and remedial chemistry. I didn't take a chemistry class in high school, so this will be a new experience for me! I will need a lot of physics, chemistry, human anatomy, and biology classes for the degree, so wish me luck... Here is a current picture of me. I have aged a lot over the last 6 months and I look terrible! I hope by posting this, I will give myself motivation to take some pride in my appearance. I wear this hat everywhere I go.

Knucklehead number one turned 16 on Christmas day. It is hard to believe she is 16... When I close my eyes, I still see her sitting in her high chair shoving spaghetti into her diaper. She is a lovely girl. She is failing a couple of classes, but I hope she will get it together for the next term which starts Monday. She is a sophomore in high school. She took the PSAT and scored in the 93rd percentile for sophomores and 85th percentile for juniors in all subjects. Not bad. She is a smart girl. Hopefully she will come out of the funk Justin's death and our move from Washington has caused in her life soon. This has been extra hard on her because she was so close to Justin and is also going through teenage angst. She has a ton of potential, though. She is interested in graphic design. She is an amazing artist, she composes her own music, and she is a massive Legend of Zelda freak. I am talking Star Trek type geek. She has dressed up like characters from various Zelda games for Halloween for the last couple of years and she would probably dress that way every day if she thought she wouldn't get beat up! I almost think the cholas out here would embrace her with her purple wig and Medieval garb.

Knucklehead number two is 12, but already is taller than Knucklehead number one and outweighs her by more than 20 lbs! She lives in her hat because she is very self conscious about her super curly hair. Sad, because her hair is absolutely gorgeous when she takes care of it. She is absolutely beautiful. She is a fantastic artist, plays music, and has an incredible imagination. She is in the 7th grade. She took a reading test recently which placed her at almost an 11th grade reading level! She scored in the 79th percentile in all other subjects! She is a super smart girl, just like her sister. She butted heads more than any of us, but she was also the most attached to him. She has taken his death really hard, but has a positive outlook. She is comfortable everywhere she goes. She is super insecure, but makes friends easily. She has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Knucklehead number 2 is not having any problems in school, thank God! She is getting all a's! Justin and I worried the most about her. It breaks my heart to watch her fall, but she has to learn her lessons the hard way. I know she will be a strong person, but I am afraid she will cause herself a lot of unnecessary grief in her life. She tends to put a lot of trust in the wrong people. She reminds me a lot of myself.

Knucklehead number three... What can I say about this little gem?? She has been the glue holding our family together. Her spirit is amazing. She a wonderful combination of Justin, KH One, KH Two, and me! Thoughtful and sensible like KH One, wild and adventurous like KH Two, brutish like Justin. She LOVES to dance (she gets this from her papa)! The girl has fantastic rhythm! She always wakes up in a good mood. Her eyes smile when she is happy. Reminds me of my Grandma Louisa. When my grandma would smile, her eyes would get all squinty and they would sparkle. She doesn't say many words yet, but she gets her point across. She is talking more and more every day. She will be 2 years old in a week. She is the life of the party everywhere she goes. She even stole the show at Justin's memorial service. She has great timing. She made everyone smile and laugh just when the sadness and tension seemed unbearable.